Stuck in the Middle

The big question of the week has been, "So, what are you guys doing for Halloween?" We're at the point where we're pretty much done with the bar scene and don't really feel like going to any costume parties this year (I know, we're boring). A couple friends have asked if we want to go along trick-or-treating with them and their kids. No thanks, we made that mistake last year. Don't get me wrong; I love my friends and their kids, but it's just not the same when you have no kids of your own. Last year we went with a few families and their kids around the neighborhood, and it was just a big reminder of what we don't have. I actually felt like a poser when I'd walk up to the door with my friends' kid. This year it's even more difficult because yet another year has gone by... still babyless.
I use to absolutely love Halloween. Now I just feel stuck.

More of the same...

I had RE appt yesterday. My cyst had changed (slightly) but it's still there. RE suggests I stay on bcp for a few more weeks in hopes that it goes away completely. By the time of my next appt., that will be 56 days straight on bcps! I asked RE how long it might take for the cyst to go away completely. He said sometimes it takes 2 months or so. He advised staying on bcp for a few more week as oppposed to looking into lap yet. RE said that there are risks associated with laporascopy (like scarring on the ovary), that could hurt ttc. I really don't need anything else that will hurt my chances of ttc; we've already got my ama and mfi going against us. But i'm starting to feel like I will spend all this time on bcp, and still have to have a lap. To me, the cyst didn't look like it had changed in appearance much, but RE said the make-up of the cyst looked like it had changed. My new plan is to start talking to my cysts. My new mantra, "Sorry cyst, you are not wanted here. Please go away." I really hope this works!

Sick of BCPs!

I'm going on CD37 of BCPs. I know the idea is to get rid of cysts, but come on - 36 days! There were only about 2 days out of the 36 that I didn't have breakthough bleeding, and now I'm getting zits! It's like being back in high school all over again, except for now I have zits and wrinkles. My appts on Friday so I'm really hoping that RE will say, "congrats, cysts have miraculously disappeared!" I'm really hoping I don't need a lap. Let's just get on with it already - I'm so ready to move on to an IUI!

RE seemed so promising...

Less than a month ago, I was so ecstatic to have a new RE who actually seemed to care. He took his to go over all our options and seemed genuine when he said this was "our" journey and we should go at the pace that's right for us. Well, the last appointment had me very confused. RE seemed distracted the whole time and the appointment was very rushed. I asked about DH's SA and my b/w, and he said he'd get back to me tomorrow with the results. I waited. no call. When I called the next day, the receptionist told me he'd call me the next day with the results. Again, NO CALL.  What the hell! I'm so frustrated, because I really don't want to have to wait until the next appt. to get any answers. I also don't want to be the patient that's always bitching and complaining, but seriously, isn't that his job, to call back patients? I really hope he steps it up, or it's back to looking for a new RE...

Some background

Here's the low-down on how we got to this point, still childless. 

1996     - I met DH in college. We were "just friends" for many years
6/04      - DH and I officially began dating
8/5/06   - Our wedding
8/06      - Went off bcp
8/07      - Actively started ttc / using opk
07-08    - I was incredibly busy (and maybe a little stressed) finishing my Master's in Education while working
9/08      - Started charting
2/09      - New GYN and started IF testing
5/09      - Referred to a RE
5/09      - Burst cyst (went to ER) and pelvic exam showing multiple cysts
5/09      - DH dx with low motility
6/09      - HSG - all clear
6/09      - I lost my job along with medical ins.
8/09      - New RE and a plan to start IUIs
9/09      - On BCPs for cysts
10/09    - u/s showed one pesky cyst still lingering, continue bcp

For now it's just dh and I, and our furbabies - Krazy, Scrappy, and Skooter

Naming my blog

My blog name came from one of my favorite movies, "Parenthood". The quote goes like this:

Grandma: You know when I was nineteen, grandpa took me on a roller coaster.


Gil: Oh?


Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh what a ride!


Gil: What a great story (sarcastically).



Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

I often feel that my life is a lot like the roller coaster that Grandma describes. Definitely not the way I planned - a lot of ups and downs - but never boring.
* Photo is from FILs b-day at Knott's Scary Farm (FIL, BILs, DH, and me)*